Heaven

Sunday June 27, 2010

I was in junior high when I realized that I didn't want to go to heaven. Nothing that the pastor described about heaven was anything I wanted to spend eternity doing. Heaven was going to be some stark white place like a sanitized hospital room where we sat around on white fluffy clouds and played harps and sang worship songs.

I didn't mind the idea of singing, because I like to sing, but singing non-stop for the rest of FOR-EV-ER sounded a little tiring. And I prefer the piano to the harp and those clouds looked a little small to hold a black Steinway baby grand. And, while the idea of streets made of gold was pretty, I really like trees and grass and the moon and stars.

So, I decided that if heaven was all white clouds and harps and gold streets, I'd rather not go to heaven. Which was really scary because I was pretty sure that the only other alternative was going to hell and the concept of spending eternity on fire wasn't exactly appealing either.

You can imagine my internal struggle and the anxiety it caused.

It was only much later in life, when a different pastor talked about how the earth was going to be renewed and there would be a new earth AND a new heaven (best of both worlds!) that I finally found peace with spending eternity in heaven. Which is silly...because who has to find peace with going to heaven?! What a small, very human imagination I have. What I failed to truly grasp was that heaven isn't going to be amazing because grandpa will be there and there will be streets of gold, or mansions, or even trees and bubbling brooks. Heaven is going to be amazing because I'll be in the presence of CHRIST for eternity and I'll FINALLY be able to truly see Him as he is. THAT is what makes Heaven, heaven.

So, the question was posed on Sunday, by Matt Chandler (who is the man, by the way), "What is it that stirs your affection for Christ?" What is it that makes you LONG to know him, the way that David and Moses and Paul LONGED for Him? In a passionate, desperate kind of way; in the kind of way that probably makes a lot of people today think "freak" or "nutso".

That is the question that I have been mentally chewing on since Sunday. What stirs my affection for Christ. What makes me want to know Him more? To love Him more? To long for heaven so I can be with Him?

Here's what I've come up with so far:

The Word

Music- not just the lyrics, but the music itself. The melody and harmony that reaches out and touches something my heart and moves me to tears.

The moon, especially when it's full


Clouds




The smell of freshly cut grass or of a BBQ grill

The wind

Thunder storms. Lightening that strikes jet black skies into mid-day and thunder that booms, shaking my window panes. Storms that make me in awe of how awesomely HUGE God must be and what a peon I am in the vastness of the universe.




Austin- because only a God who truly loves me and knows me better than I know myself could have created a man like Austin, so perfectly matched for me.

The sound of the kids laughing

My dad